I will be honest, I have been dreading this race. I was not doing an Ironman this year, instead I wanted some solid strong Half Ironman races under my belt. In my years of training, I also know you get on race day what you put in. You cannot lie. You cannot make excuses. What I will say is that I have done the best I could with what I have been given this year. It would have to do... (and secretly in my head I would always pray... please be kind).
So, back to dreading the moment. After my dismal last long run attempt and having to turn back in at less than an hour (again), I was so downhearted. I was angry. I was wishing that I could be faster, stronger... like other people. In relaying my experience with my coach at swim, I was mortified to be blinking back tears. I didn't realize my frustration was that great. Later that evening he sent out an email with an amazing article on Race Day Anxiety.
In my first year of tri, I read many such articles and still did before my subsequent Ironman races. So, with my gloom and doom ‘I'm Gonna Have A Sh*tty Race Anyways’ mindset, I decided to read it. I was surprised to see myself in what I was reading! Here's what I discovered, in one simple article. I didn’t think I was strong enough or fast enough to be on my tri team. I was worried I would let my coach down. I was worried that my team and friends (Facebook and Twitter are BIG communities) would think less of me. I know better, but pride is a big feeling. I know my team (and friends) are not only great athletes, they are also great super duper people. I love them.
Swim...
So, here I am now, in Oliver, BC., toeing the start line. The day
starts windy. Crap. What happened to the nice calm water surface from the day
before? Even though I went eww-and-ick about seeing all the stuff floating on
nice glassy surface during practice swim, I would take that in a heartbeat rather than the nice
choppy waves I was seeing. I hate chop. It makes me nervous. I latch onto Jill
and Chris (who are amazing coaches for their team Triathlete Within), but I
know the comfort it initially gives me will last about 2.5 seconds once horn
goes off. And it does. The swim portion is two loops and I could write
paragraphs about the mental battles of that first 400m. Lots of eek moments and
my mind happily wanted to freak out at what it saw as HUGE swells and so many
swimmers! I did have to swim wide away
from the crowd and I did have to hang onto canoe a couple of times on first
loop to pull it together. (I haven't
checked Garmin yet to see what my actual distance I swam was. ;-)) As mentioned,
the swim is two loops this year and the first 2 buoys go across middle of lake.
Very interesting that once I got around these, swim life was instantly so much
better. First off “swells” were behind
me rather than swimming into or across them, and I knew I was not in the
middle of the lake. First round as I am
nearing shore, I think, okay not so bad, let’s get this next one out of the way
and not freak out again. But apparently
my mind is a pretty powerful thing, cause it let me freak out with pretty much
same intensity the same first 400m. What
the ‘eff’ is wrong with me is all I thought.
So, even though it is still same mental battle till second buoy, it is
not as bad as first because I know I won't be surrounded and
lapped by faster folks so I can swim closer to buoys this lap. Haha. I can't tell you how many times I tell
myself... "Get your frickin head in the water... Blow your gawd damn
bubbles and swim!" I'm also saying "I am so taking swim lessons after
this!!" ... “I am so taking OWS lessons after this!!”
Swim done. Not surprised to see it is my worst time. (56
mins. Embarrased) ... But I survived the
first swim of season. Haul butt to T1. I do not like the Oliver's trek to T1,
but everyone has to do it and I am now anxious to get on bike.
Bike...
Out of the three, the bike is my favourite. I love this bike route and settled in for a fun
3 hours. I already knew I lost too much time on swim to catch anyone I knew, but
I did pass other riders continuously till end of ride (and also played leap
from with a couple of guys that did not like getting chicked... but I made them
work to keep ahead of me ;)) Was still windy. 97 seemed to be more of a slog
this year. Rode aero pretty much whole
race except for couple of itty bitty climbs.
Whenever I had to sit up to have swig of water or dig something out of
bento box, the wind slowing my pace was very noticeable. Last year my bike was 3:07 and this year my goal
was 3 hours. But... mm-mmm. Didn’t happen. 3:27 is what my legs had in me this
year. Was okay, I’ll take it.
Run...
UGH! UGH! And UGH! again is all I gotta say. One ugh for each hour
I was out there. Huge cramps were my “Welcome
To Your Run Today!” Oh, don’t get me
wrong, I knew going in, this would be the tough set. I didn’t want to walk, cause once you start
walking... your race is done. But when
the time comes and you have to, you just suck it up and go. Hard for the ego that’s for sure. I did have a couple of moments where I
thought pack it in already. Was
frustrating having my last year’s finish time come and go and realize I still
had another flippin loop to do. Many wah wah life sucks I suck this sucks
moments!
Yet for as much as things sucked, there were also many incredible
moments... tons of great tri folks (athletes and competitors) out there on the
race route. From my amazing CSR tri mates (Nicole Sagan) who wanted to cross the
pathway to help me but I wouldn't let her (she had her own race to finish), to another CSR tri mate, Daisy?, (whom I have never met,
but we both wore the same CSR colors) to the absolutely most Amazing Jill
(Triathlete Within Coach) that stopped her race and took the time to help me
breath (now that I think of it, we may have been doing the Lamaze breathing
method) and get through one of my more debilitating cramps to the many many
encouraging words I heard along the way. One guy said... “Don’t look down. Just keep moving forward. And don’t look
down.” It’s all good. I suffered my way through this and was aptly
humbled. Not brought to my knees
though. Well, sometimes it felt like it
might get there ;-)
I love you all for your awesome wishes for a good day. I wish it could have been that, but at the
end of the day... we do this because we love it. We do this because we can. And we do this because we are, well just plain
crazy triathletes. And Mr. Half Ironman
distance... I am so coming back to kick your ass!!
