Oliver Half Ironman 2013

My training year has not gone as planned. It's been one of those 'One Frikkin Thing After Another' causing many starts - stops.  Frustrating. Two steps back.  One forward. But, I kept starting again.  First, because I love the training, the lifestyle, and the amazing circle of friends these two bring together. Second, because I knew I had a race early June and (which seemed eons away)... but now early June and the race is here. 

I will be honest, I have been dreading this race. I was not doing an Ironman this year, instead I wanted some solid strong Half Ironman races under my belt.  In my years of training, I also know you get on race day what you put in. You cannot lie. You cannot make excuses. What I will say is that I have done  the best I could with what I have been given this year.  It would  have to do... (and secretly in my head I would always pray... please be kind). 

So, back to dreading the moment.  After my dismal last long run attempt and having to turn back in at less than an hour (again), I was so downhearted. I was angry. I was wishing that I could be faster, stronger... like other people. In relaying my experience with my coach at swim, I was mortified to be blinking back tears. I didn't realize my frustration was that great.  Later that evening he sent out an email with an amazing article on Race Day Anxiety. 

In my first year of tri, I read many such articles and still did before my subsequent Ironman races. So, with my gloom and doom ‘I'm Gonna Have A Sh*tty Race Anyways’ mindset, I decided to read it. I was surprised to see myself in what I was reading! Here's what I discovered, in one simple article. I didn’t think I was strong enough or fast enough to be on my tri team.  I was worried I would let my coach down.  I was worried that my team and friends (Facebook and Twitter are BIG communities) would think less of me.  I know better, but pride is a big feeling. I know my team (and friends) are not only great athletes, they are also great super duper people.  I love them.  

Swim...

So, here I am now, in Oliver, BC., toeing the start line. The day starts windy. Crap. What happened to the nice calm water surface from the day before? Even though I went eww-and-ick about seeing all the stuff floating on nice glassy surface during practice swim, I would take that in a heartbeat rather than the nice choppy waves I was seeing. I hate chop. It makes me nervous. I latch onto Jill and Chris (who are amazing coaches for their team Triathlete Within), but I know the comfort it initially gives me will last about 2.5 seconds once horn goes off. And it does. The swim portion is two loops and I could write paragraphs about the mental battles of that first 400m. Lots of eek moments and my mind happily wanted to freak out at what it saw as HUGE swells and so many swimmers!  I did have to swim wide away from the crowd and I did have to hang onto canoe a couple of times on first loop to pull it together.  (I haven't checked Garmin yet to see what my actual distance I swam was. ;-)) As mentioned, the swim is two loops this year and the first 2 buoys go across middle of lake. Very interesting that once I got around these, swim life was instantly so much better.  First off “swells” were behind me rather than swimming into or across them, and I knew I was not in the middle of the lake.  First round as I am nearing shore, I think, okay not so bad, let’s get this next one out of the way and not freak out again.  But apparently my mind is a pretty powerful thing, cause it let me freak out with pretty much same intensity the same first 400m.  What the ‘eff’ is wrong with me is all I thought.  So, even though it is still same mental battle till second buoy, it is not as bad as first because I know I won't be surrounded and lapped by faster folks so I can swim closer to buoys this lap.  Haha. I can't tell you how many times I tell myself... "Get your frickin head in the water... Blow your gawd damn bubbles and swim!" I'm also saying "I am so taking swim lessons after this!!" ... “I am so taking OWS lessons after this!!” 

 

Swim done. Not surprised to see it is my worst time. (56 mins.  Embarrased) ... But I survived the first swim of season. Haul butt to T1. I do not like the Oliver's trek to T1, but everyone has to do it and I am now anxious to get on bike. 

 

Bike...

Out of the three, the bike is my favourite. I  love this bike route and settled in for a fun 3 hours. I already knew I lost too much time on swim to catch anyone I knew, but I did pass other riders continuously till end of ride (and also played leap from with a couple of guys that did not like getting chicked... but I made them work to keep ahead of me ;)) Was still windy. 97 seemed to be more of a slog this year.  Rode aero pretty much whole race except for couple of itty bitty climbs.  Whenever I had to sit up to have swig of water or dig something out of bento box, the wind slowing my pace was very noticeable.  Last year my bike was 3:07 and this year my goal was 3 hours.  But... mm-mmm.  Didn’t happen.  3:27 is what my legs had in me this year.  Was okay, I’ll take it. 

 

Run...

UGH! UGH! And UGH! again is all I gotta say. One ugh for each hour I was out there.  Huge cramps were my “Welcome To Your Run Today!”  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I knew going in, this would be the tough set.  I didn’t want to walk, cause once you start walking... your race is done.  But when the time comes and you have to, you just suck it up and go.  Hard for the ego that’s for sure.  I did have a couple of moments where I thought pack it in already.  Was frustrating having my last year’s finish time come and go and realize I still had another flippin loop to do. Many wah wah life sucks I suck this sucks moments!

 

Yet for as much as things sucked, there were also many incredible moments... tons of great tri folks (athletes and competitors) out there on the race route. From my amazing CSR tri mates (Nicole Sagan) who wanted to cross the pathway to help me but I wouldn't let her (she had her own race to finish), to another CSR tri mate, Daisy?, (whom I have never met, but we both wore the same CSR colors) to the absolutely most Amazing Jill (Triathlete Within Coach) that stopped her race and took the time to help me breath (now that I think of it, we may have been doing the Lamaze breathing method) and get through one of my more debilitating cramps to the many many encouraging words I heard along the way.  One guy said... “Don’t look down.  Just keep moving forward. And don’t look down.”  It’s all good.  I suffered my way through this and was aptly humbled.  Not brought to my knees though.  Well, sometimes it felt like it might get there ;-)

 

I love you all for your awesome wishes for a good day.  I wish it could have been that, but at the end of the day... we do this because we love it.  We do this because we can.  And we do this because we are, well just plain crazy triathletes.  And Mr. Half Ironman distance... I am so coming back to kick your ass!!

A Beautiful Message

A new post for the new year.  This is indeed a surprise for me, that it is not a tri related story, instead it is such a special story that I feel truly blessed that it happened and I would like to share this most amazing story with you. 

My daughter (Candice) shared a beautiful story with me today.  She was at work last night and was working up front by the coat check. They were busy (as always) and she was working quickly and efficiently.  She was putting this ladies coat away and inwardly cursed as she got a big shock.  As she gave the lady her coat check ticket she mentioned she was getting shocks with everything she was touching last night.  She most certainly did not expect the next comments.  Candice said this lady blew her away... She said it was like an episode of Long Island Medium. 

The lady introduced herself and said her name was Alanna (sp?). She said getting shocks like that is usually a sign of psychic ability.  Not always, but in this case she thinks it's true.  Candice stared at her and turned to walk away...

Then Alanna said "Your Grandmother is here. Did you know that?"

Candice immediately thought of her Grandma and her Nana, (both of whom are gone and missed dearly always). 

I'm going to back up a step here and let you know that I am adopted. My biological parents died in a car accident when I was very young and my sister and I entered the foster system.  In our very young lives, we had already been in a few foster homes all short term.  Also at this same time, my (adopted) parents were dealing with a tragedy in their lives as well (they had a stillborn son).  At this time of their lives, they already had children that were married and had children of their own, and my sister (their biological daughter) was, how shall we say... unexpected.  They still felt blessed and thought another child was the icing on the cake this late in their lives.  So when they were faced with this tragedy, they realized they still had so much love to give, they had a home to share, and they didn't want my sister to grow up as an only child.  This was when they decided to become foster parents.  They would start out by being short term foster parents too.  My sister and I we were their first children.  We arrived on their doorstep already guarded with our feelings in our young lives but at the same time starving for love and affection.  Time passed, we flourished and we became part of their family.  They couldn't imagine parting with us.  We were so fortunate. There are so many sad stories of terrible childhoods others had to endure, but for my sister and I, we were lucky. We had an amazing childhood and amazing loving parents and family. 

So getting back to the current story, Candice knows she has another grandmother, but she said to be honest she never comes to her mind when someone mentions the word grandmother to her.  Instead she thinks of my (adopted) mother or her fathers mother. Now getting back to Candice's story as she is relating it to me...

As Candice starts to walk away Alanna says to her,  "She is speaking really heavy Cree to you right now." Alanna describes her... "She is not as tall as you.  She has very long hair and she is very pretty." She said she was on Candice's right side which indicates the mothers side of the family. She says "Your grandmother was a very strong woman.  She was very caring and was strong for those around her. I feel such a sense of strength from her." She said she was telling me that "everything was going to be alright:.  She keeps repeating that to you... that everything will be alright." She said Grandma says that I am a lot like her.  

At this point, Candice pauses her story to ask me if I know or remember anything about her (my biological mother)?  I tell her no, I don't.  I  was so young and only have two distinct memories of her.  One of them is me sitting on the floor watching her as she sits on her bed brushing her long black hair that hung to her lap.  Anyways, I say no and ask her why.  Candice said, " Because Alanna said that  I am a healer and that Grandma was a healer too.." Alanna then repeats again that everything is going to be alright.  We will be alright.  

At this time, Candice had to help another customer, and Alanna said she would be back later... but the evening was a very busy one and the time flew by.  Candice never saw Alanna again that night.

  --- end of psychic reading---

 

So, as Candice relayed this story to me, I have no control over the tears that are streaming down my face. I am not sad, or happy. Hard to explain, I just feel an incredible sense of peace (and love). My other daughter Courtney has had a very recent horrible event happen that affected our whole family. We are at this time going through an incredible family crisis and I have had an incredible sense of sadness and helplessness lately, but Thursday, I had decided to let some light back into my life and allow myself to begin to smile again. And yesterday (Friday),  Candice receives this beautiful message. And today (Saturday), my heart and sense of self feels nothing but pure, complete, beautiful love and light.  

You know you hear stories like this happening, they have been on television, in movies... but to have this first hand account of it, I am I such awe and feel so truly blessed.  Love and light to my amazing friends and those of you reading this.